Is Anybody Listening?
“You can’t persuade people who won’t listen.” – Plato
Can you remember the last time that you said something important or valuable, but nobody was listening? Have you ever been in a group setting, fighting desperately to get your ideas into other people’s stubborn heads? Do you feel like your life is being dictated by what other people tell you to do? Are you longing to have a profound voice amongst the crowd?
Each person has their own reason for wanting to be heard. Most people just want to feel valued. Others believe they’re helping others with what they have to say. A select few, however, just want complete control over everything; the loudest voices in the room usually get all of the say because the softer voices won’t speak up and fight the noise.
Listening to someone means that you care about them. When you’re actively listening to someone, you’re telling them that they’re worthy. Giving someone your limited time and energy, deliberately trying to understand what it is that they’re saying; this is a sure-fire way to make anyone feel good about themselves (on both the giving and the receiving ends). What people put their energy into says mountains as to what they regard as valuable. People want to be listened to.
The desire to get everyone listening to you is a uniquely human one. As social creatures, we seek approval in order to feel as though we fit in. Don’t ever feel bad for wanting to be heard; you’re a human being with human needs. What should matter, however, are your reasons for wanting to be heard.
Why Nobody is Listening to You
“Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire.” – Harry A. Overstreet
People speak to influence actions, which in turn, dictate outcomes.
We’re always looking to gain something good from everything that we do. Like a captain steering a ship to his desired location; to keep the vessel afloat and on course, he gives orders to his crew with words. Everyone speaks with an intended purpose, whether we know it or not. If you listen to what people are saying, they’ll reveal to you what it is they’re searching for.
Most people want to feel good in every single moment; this is what shapes a lot of human behavior. Unfortunately, most of us are chasing the wrong things for the wrong reasons in trying to feel ‘good’. Most people, especially young children, are motivated purely by pleasure and what feels good to them; short-term, hedonic self-gratification. More developed minds might look beyond this type of pleasure by seeking meaningful ends with discomforting means, such as lifting weights or intense intellectual study.
Whether you’re pursuing what is easy or what is meaningful, either way you just want to feel good in your life (and rightfully so). This is why people want to be heard; they want a say in how life will unfold, and hopefully, get something to gain from it as it does.
If you want to learn how to use the Four Cardinal Virtues (Wisdom, Courage, Self-Discipline and Justice) in guiding your actions, click here: Aristotle’s Virtue Ethics – How To Make The Right Decisions.
How to Get People’s Attention
“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.” – Publilius Syrus
Mutual benefit is at the core of all human relationships. This is why people aren’t listening to you. They’re not gaining anything by listening to you.
We’re interested in other people when they’re interested in us. What does this say about the people you’re trying to speak to?
If you talk to people in terms of their own wants and interests, you’ll gain their full attention.
Stop trying to get people to listen to you; start listening to other people first. To get anyone to do anything willingly, they have to want to do it. This means that in order for anyone to listen to you, they must want to do it. To win what a selfish man wants, you must be selfless; pointing all of your attention outwards from yourself.
What does the person I’m speaking to want (particularly, or in general) right now?
What are their interests?
What do they want to talk about?
What topics of conversation would make them feel special about themselves?
People love talking about themselves, so use it to get their attention. Again, mutual benefit is at the core of all human relationships; this is and always should be the goal. Help others get what they want and you’ll never live a lonely life.
You have to lose something in order to gain. You should be building relationships with sincere, honest effort.
5 Steps to Get People Listening to You
Step 1
None of this will work unless you’re sincere and genuine.
Flattery will not work. You might be able to fool a lot of people, but don’t trick yourself; you won’t be bringing out the best in others or yourself by engaging in manipulation.
Step 2
Think in terms of other peoples wants.
You might have to base a lot of things off of assumptions at the start, but that’s ok; people will tell you what they want if you get them talking about themselves. The devil will be in the details.
How do you listen actively and get people’s attention? Ask yourself these questions when you’re feeling stuck in a conversation:
- What is this person really trying to say?
- Is there something they’re trying to get across subtly, something about their thoughts or emotions?
- What are their interests/hobbies?
- What’s something they’re dying to talk about?
- How can I make this person feel understood and heard?
- How can I make them feel special and important?
If in doubt, start asking questions about what the speaker is talking about. This will give you more information to work with, especially if you struggle to talk or keep conversations going as a rule.
Step 3
Make the other person want to listen to you.
Show them how they can gain from listening to what you have to say and this will keep their attention.
Here are some of the things that people seek through conversation:
- A practical solution to their problem(s). Or in other words, fulfilling a need or want.
- Attention, or more strictly, praise, appreciation and encouragement.
- A feeling of importance.
- A voice to hear and understand what their souls are trying to express.
Step 4
Show interest in other people to get them interested in you.
If you want attention from anyone, you have to give other people attention first. This is how people make friends, how social media pages grow and why people go out of their way to talk to you. What goes around must always come back around. Throw some of your energy outwards from yourself and it will return; the universe always looks to restore balance.
Step 5
Make people feel important.
How do you do this? Give appreciation and encouragement. That’s it. It’s really that simple.
Here’s how you can be doing it:
- Find something to praise, no matter how small.
- Compliment something physical about the person.
- Compliment something intellectual about the person.
- Make the other person feel like they’re doing something better than they think they are.
- Encourage the other person to keep doing a good thing that they’ve been doing; rewarding good behaviour will keep them doing it far better than by punishing.
The Call To Responsibility
To finish this post with a call to responsibility.
Understanding something means to make it your own. Manipulation is a powerful tool that the selfish use to gain; it’s the antithesis of mutual benefit. If you know how human beings work, can’t you just manipulate in order to win? Why bother helping other people then? What’s the point?
A meaningful life is found through helping others before yourself.
The goal should always be to help yourself through helping others.
All things done on this planet are for other people. Why else do products and services exist? People need people to help each other.
Rome was not built in a day, nor by one man alone.
Care for others to care for yourself. The fulfillment that you seek is to be found in the offering of yourself to others. Help people. Do the right thing. You know what to do.
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